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Tennessee Williams made it the color of saying, “In memory, all things happen to music.” When I take the time to search the dusty catalogs of my mind, I have to say that Williams was dead on target. Like so many others, I have to shake my head in disbelief while staring into the rearview mirror back to the place where my journey began in comparison to the open roads where I now stand. There has been a considerable amount of growth, stripping down, stepping back, packing up and moving on. There have been scars the size of Montana and smiles broader than the dreams she was built upon. In so many of those thoughts there has been a faithful constant for me. In the empty echoes of my footsteps, as I walk through those old museums, there has always been song. Not just songs, but words that have had the ability to carry me for the long miles I felt I had to walk alone. Words and lyrics that challenged me in so many ways and inspired me to grow when I sometimes wanted nothing more than to be sheltered from the next setting storm. Words that moved me with the swiftness to enter one’s life and leave them changed forever before one ever knew it was happening. Experiences, much like the people who step into our lives and leave us changed, are the reasons why we all stay alive. What does any of this have to do with my purpose in writing this clumsy piece? In the simplest of terms, when I take those long walks through those old museums of memories, the music of Chamberlain is the soundtrack to my steps. When I look back to the moments and life experiences that have left the most lasting impact on me, there is always some tune composed by a few dreamers from the backwoods of Indiana playing in the background of my mind. What more of a tribute or thanks can be given than that? With that question posed, I know that it doesn’t even begin to say thanks for what Chamberlain has given me and taught me along the way. It doesn’t even begin to explain exactly what it is that has been so meaningful to me through all these crazy years. When I was asked to write this piece, my eyes literally froze to my screen. I was more than willing to put my unsteady hands to work to compose the perfect words to explain to these guys and the rest of you what their hard work and heartfelt passion and honesty have meant to at least one person. It was my opportunity to recount the million phrases and life experiences I could share to help others understand exactly how much the tears and smiles I have spent over the years have amounted to. All those opportunities I had to tell Dave, Adam and the others all of these things, and how each time I tried I stumbled over my words. Each time I spoke, it was like I was doing so with a broken tongue because all the wrong words came out of my mouth. That, or fear, got the best of me. I was afraid they wouldn’t really understand. I never wanted it to come off as some half-hearted attempt on my part that was passed over with a shaking of the hand on their part and a moving on. While I think misunderstanding is the loneliest feeling in the world, it was much more than that to me. More than anything else, I didn’t want my words not to to live up to the eternal gratitude and honest, heartfelt emotion that gave them birth. I wanted them to know beyond the shadow of doubt that their words and songs have moved me. I wanted, at least in some small way, to give them what was given to me. I am a firm believer in letting those closest to me know how I feel. I’m a believer in letting those who have moved me and left some impact on me know. At the end of our days, what more can we wish for than to have left this old world a better place by having this type of impact on another? As silly as this may sound, I really don’t have the right words to say thanks for what was given to me. As a matter of fact, as I write this, I feel like I’m doing so with a broken keyboard because none of it is coming out quite the way I intended it. The problem is, how do I say thanks to someone who was directly responsible for influencing and inspiring me to grow in so many ways? How do I say thanks to someone who got me seriously thinking about religion for the first time? Who kindled a love for poetry and the written word? Who spoke directly to the sorrow I felt over loss? Who understood the feeling of loneliness and being a bit out of place everywhere I found myself? Who taught me lessons on getting the upper hand on sorrow, for speaking directly to the dreams by which I define myself, and to the importance of embracing the true blessings I have in my life? You see, Chamberlain has always spoken directly to the romantic inside of me. That is what this band has given me, and these are the things I search so desperately for the words to give thanks for. Why is that so important? To steal Emerson’s words, “Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members.” I don’t believe this world is designed for dreamers. The world tells us to chase our dreams and seek our fortunes of happiness, while all the time it secretly plots to make us settle for less than what we came to find. Life wears people down, jades them, scares them, and forces them to settle, and it tells us it is OK because it is a part of growing up and realizing that life isn’t perfect. Maybe that is the fatalist inside of me speaking, but I have experienced enough heartache and loss to last me ten lifetimes. The tragedian in me tells me that I will never be who I was and that what I look for doesn’t really exist. However, I carry on to dream again. When the rest of the world shook their heads at my romantic notions, and followed immediately with the statement, “Someday, you’ll know better,” Chamberlain was one of the few influences that taught me to embrace those dreams. To illustrate my point, I look towards one of the truest lines I have heard. It’s from the song, “The South Has Spoiled Me” –feelings aren’t cheap, but around here somehow, everyone finds them for free. I always found it so difficult to understand some peoples’ apparent skill at passing through life without ever taking the time to fully lose themselves in a moment or fully open themselves to emotion. I never wanted to be one of those people who never really thought about or understood the scope of what they were saying. People say many things in passing without thinking about the depth of what they are saying. When I speak words, I wanted them to be from the heart and to be real. When I tell someone what they mean to me or how they have helped me, I want it to be with words of pure emotion. I can’t understand how people lose themselves in fear and miss out on moments that are truly one of a kind. How people because of fear can fail to embrace some things that they will surely grow from and be better people. I can’t understand why people settle for being just good enough. I guess maybe that is partly because I have always been the exact opposite. I am the type of person to analyze events to their end to get every lesson I can possibly get from them. Maybe in the process, I have missed out at times because of my unwillingness to let go. However, I can never say my experiences have failed to change me. Very much like the lyrics of that song, I feel it would be a great shame if the band didn’t take these words to heart. Not only mine, but all of those thanks from fans like myself, who may have been a little gun-shy or a little hesitant on the pen cap to find exactly what it was they wanted to say. Not because it wasn’t of value, but because it wouldn’t come out just perfectly. Maybe someone is shaking their head in disbelief because they feel their words couldn’t possibly move someone that way. I’m here to say they can. It is the dream that keeps me alive every day when I set foot in my classroom, and I have 22 high school juniors staring at me. I have the dream that one kid is going to hear that message about the value of dreams and make their life more than ordinary and more than commonplace. I want to instill that same passion for never settling. Even for those who view the world tragically and believe we don’t always get what we put in. But, what can we expect to change if we never make the effort? David wrote about the ending of Chamberlain as a car wreck with a great deal of sound and fury. In so many ways, I can agree because the fans are walking away with many scars of their own. This band was something big for everyone involved. The music entered quietly, left us forever changed, and then snuck quietly out the back door, tucking away into the night. There is a sense of loss and the scars to show for it, but in the end, there are always the memories. I have memories of traveling upwards of forty times to see this band. I have the countless hours of listening to Chamberlain while chasing my muse through whatever calm or setting storm in which I found myself. I have the hours of listening as I close my eyes to chase dreams of my own. I have the countless hours to last me a lifetime…of talking about life and relating those moments to some Chamberlain song. For me, there was a touch of that sound and fury; now there is only loss, song and innumerable beginnings. However, when I look towards yesterday and those new beginnings, I know I already have a soundtrack loaded up for my travels with the moon as my saddle…” Take care of yourselves, tj
T.J. Schott |